The Spiritual Life of a Medical Student

“It has been said that bringing Osteopaths together is like ‘herding cats.’  Our profession was founded by a self-reliant individual who was a free spirit. Dr. Still not only encouraged integrative and independent thinking, he demanded it.”   www.interlinea.org

“Independent thinkers usually separated themselves and are generally not aligned with groups. However, Dr. Still asked that we not only become independent thinkers but also brothers and sisters.”   www.interlinea.org

I love my brothers and sisters of Osteopathy.  However, I still find myself alone whether my heart is breaking or laughing.  The subjectivity of our experiences is quite fascinating.  If someone tries to help or understand us, they can’t help us if we do not want to be helped.  Or, conversely, if we want to be helped, but no one helps us, it doesn’t really matter because they couldn’t have really helped us in the first place.  And, if we perceive that we’ve been helped or guided, it is simply because we were open to the experience.  How strangely and completely independent we are from one another and yet somehow we are connected.

The goal of Osteopathy is to find the health in the patient and let it express itself.  The Cranial guys say that we need to “watch” our patients and not impose ourselves apon their body.  I want to believe.  All these docs believe in it so strongly they come to our school to teach us or write books about it.  However, there have been many times that I wanted to just scream, “Bologne!!”  How can MY attention change a person’s physiology?

There are also times when I practically cry because of the beauty some doctors share simply because of the heart they put into their words and actions.  Video taping a workshop is pretty much useless because I can be all the way across a room and feel the changes occurring in the patients body, but on a video, I’d have to sense changes over time and space.

There is a gap between my disbelief/lack of confidence and emotional experiences of something real.

I wonder if there is a discrepancy between how men and women perceive the healing experience.  I’ve heard more women having issues with biodynamics than men.  I also heard that women, even those adept at meditation, always had a portion of brain activity happening during meditation.  Men are able to shut down their brains completely.  If, in order to be able to give proper attention to a patient, we must be completely open and empty, could the residual brain chatter explain why women have such a hard time giving in to their role as healing facilitators?  Or are women such natural healers that it is only their lack of confidence and being taught by men that are getting in the way of their potential?

My throat is sore and I don’t think it is because I’m getting sick, although that could very well happen.  My throat is raw from the emotional explosion that occurred last night.  I had to escape to the golf course so no one would hear me.  Although 2 deer came to keep me company after I calmed down and did some tai chi.

I met Steve (Dr. Paulus, DO) last night.  His website (www.interlinea.org) inspired me to contact him in January when we were learning about the cardiovascular system.  A family practice DO lectured us about hypertension (HTN).  He listed about 10 different alternative methods for supplementing treatment of HTN (exercise, diet, even acupuncture), but he did not mention Osteopathic Manipulative Treatment (OMT).  I was so distraught that my head almost exploded.  I managed to relieve the pressure by going on-line with my new computer and searched for “hypertension and Osteopathy”.

Within Steve’s website were some stories about his career path where he was a family practice (FP) doctor for 5 years.  He did OMT as well as all the standard FP stuff.  Not knowing how or why, general OMT managed to lower the doses of HTN medications for some of his HTN patients.  Then he was given grief about taking too much time with the patients, not prescribing enough medications, blah, blah, blah.  So he quit and took over a local, retiring DO’s practice.

Steve had other stories that captured my heart.  He was real, down-to-earth, yet open to discovering what it really means to be an Osteopath in the medical world.  He eventually opted out of medicine, but he never regretted the time he spent within it.  That, I think, was the most valuable and useful piece information he gave me.  He said you have to be an excellent allopathic physician first, then you can indulge in the Osteopathy.  That idea, coming from someone who had 4 books written by AT Still, the founder of Osteopathy, on his website in searchable .pdf format, helped me survive the process of learning cardiac pharmacology and pathology.

I actually met Steve during his workshop in the morning and he gave me a BIG hug.  Then, he invited me to work with him in the evening with a partner.  That was THE most powerful experience I’ve ever experienced.  He made me work really hard and he wasn’t taking any bologne.  He knew how to push me and he knew how to encourage me.  He told me twice that I was going to make a great Osteopath and I have great hands.  However, he knew there was something holding me back.  He asked me if I had any adverse experiences with treating people and I said no, sheepishly thinking to myself that I didn’t treat very often because I was scared.  Scared of what?  I’m not entirely sure.  I want to be able to help people SO badly that I inhbit the experience.  I’m trying to be real and genuine, but Osteopathy doesn’t let you do it half way.  You have to get past all the fears, search every nook and cranny for the issues that are holding you back and let them go.  I think I have come a considerable distance with this concept.  First with Dr. F and now with Steve.

It makes me well up with tears just thinking about him and my experience.  I never thought I would find a mentor.  My whole life I would “Do it my ownself” because I felt that the people who were trying to teach didn’t quite fit right.   No one could answer my questions satisfactorily.  I have learned that everyone I meet can teach me something, even if it is just patience.  There have been many people I really enjoyed being around, especially some doctors, but there was always a disconnect where they weren’t teaching what I was looking for.  Some people genuinely wanted to help, but they were on a different level than I was looking for.  Others I perceived to be ignorant to the fact that they had denied their own growth by day dreaming too much and not staying with reality.  They couldn’t communicate with me even though they tried and listened.

It feels so wonderful to have found some one who is so real, so caring, willing to push me to the next level of my learning.  I am incredibly grateful.