Is it better to cry or hold it in?
Should a person with depression take antidepressants if they don’t want to?
Is it healthy to receive feedback from someone you don’t get along with?
I consider myself a fairly mature person. However, when it comes to interacting with one of my preceptors, I became very immature: passive aggressive, non-communicative, angry. He’s often telling patients with psych problems that they need to let out their emotions and then when I cry he says I’m depressed and need to try medication. I refuse to discuss my issues with him because he’s a complete ass and yet thinks he knows what’s best for me. We last worked together and he gave me feedback on Weds. I’m still upset by what he said to me. There was no way to win. I hated him and yet he was my primary preceptor. I couldn’t exactly be honest or else I’d be called insubordinate, which wouldn’t be the first time in my life. So I played the passive aggressive game, which makes me hate myself and him that much more. I know I have issues. We all have issues. I don’t want to do pelvic exams and I get overwhelmed with emotions when I have to do it. I used my reaction as an indication NOT to go in to family practice and yet he says there is something wrong with me and questioning me belonging in the field medicine. Would it be better if I was a robot and did everything I was told without feeling a god damned thing??? Besides, I don’t WANT to be an MD. I want to be a DO. I want to analyze problems based on the anatomy, the blood/nerve supply and venous/lymphatic drainage. THAT IS WHAT I WANT and yet he (the DO hired to teach us OMT) doesn’t fucking believe in Osteopathy!! IT makes me want to scream so loud that I burst my own ear drums. There’s something wrong with me? He should look at his own lazy ass and say the same fucking thing. Thank goodness there were some DO’s throughout the year who were able to teach me something and give me their thoughtful feedback regarding the present state of Osteopathy.
Please pardon my profanity. It took me 2 days to recover my shattered self-esteem and now I’m just writhing with anger.
