Archive for December, 2007

Relative Futility

Social work, psychology, physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy and even medical therapy.  All these specialties get together to analyze children in their development when it is abnormal.  Today I saw an 18 month old newly diagnosed with Autism.  It amazes me that 1) there are definitive developmental skills (eye contact, social engagement, talking) when not present can draw attention and be labeled as abnormal, 2) there are interventions that people can provide to facilitate proper development of otherwise developmentally delayed children.  These workers put a lot of energy into evaluation of the patient, educating the parents and writing reports.  What troubles me is the amount of paperwork and number of people required for this.  I guess it is out of necessity for quantifiable data and proper documentation for insurance companies to pay.  It just seems ridiculously lengthy, burdensome and distressing.  Sometimes I feel like we go through all this effort because it makes us as care-givers better that we’re actually trying to do something.  I suppose there have been studies to indicate that some interventions help better than nothing.  Still, it amazes me that SO MUCH effort goes into these kids who have difficulties.

12 Days- Acapella style

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Gentleness in an Aggressive World

I hear the new student on OB has caught at least one, maybe 2 babies in her first week.  I semi-caught one my first week and that was it.  Am I a bad student?  I hated OB so much by the end I went to the library to read during 2 deliveries.  I feel so guilty about it, but I hated it and no one really cared if I was there or not.  Now the next student comes along and she’s a rock star because she enjoys procedures and can nudge herself into any situation and get a chance to do it.  I hate her, admire her, hate myself and move on…

I moved on to Pediatrics and I love kids.  I love the gentle interactions I have with children because they are usually open to the world and brief experiences of connectedness.  The worst part about being a pediatrician is the perception of being the big mean doctors that look in your ears and give you shots.

I think I still want to do family practice where I will get to see kids as well as old people and pregnant ladies.  And I’m going to do OMM on as many as I can!

My Mental World

Yesterday snow was falling and I felt good.  I came home early and cooked corn chowder, chunky pasta sauce and baked muffins.   I read 1.5 chapters in my William’s Obstetrics book that I’ve hardly cracked throughout my whole rotation.  Why can’t I feel like that every day?

I’ve always been shy, but it has become ridiculously painful during my OB rotation.  I feel like an abandoned medical student.  I could be the smartest kid on the block, but nobody on the OB floor would know this.  they never quiz me.  There were some days I shadowed an Obstetrician, but they enjoy talking to me (or even at me).  They have no idea what I know or how I feel.  At the same time I HATE learning from incompetent people and I feel like so many people are incompetent.  I might as well read on my own rather than become infuriated by incompetent people trying to teach me.  Yes, they are competent to a certain degree because they still have a job and manage it okay, but there are things they’ll say that I fiercely disagree with, but what the hell do I know?  I’m just a God Damned Medical student.  And then I turn around and doubt myself.  My solution is to simply say as little as possible, so those grading me will not see my rage and misery.  Let them think I am a meek medical student because I don’t push myself into learning situations.

It is an aweful place to be: where you don’t believe in your teachers and you don’t believe in yourself.