Archive for March, 2008

I had a marvelous weekend swing dancing my little heart out! It would be amazing to find a guy who loved to swing dance with the enthusiasm and joy I see in my favorite dancers AND he was interested in learning to follow. We could dance together and develop a routine where we switched lead-follow. Now that would be cool. Sigh, one can dream.

I saw this on a T-shirt and loved it: “Friends don’t let friends worship celebrities.” Amen! It’s much better to worship dance Gods and Goddesses in our midst. 😀

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Guilt-ridden student life

On my drive hone this evening I was quite proud of myself for finishing up some paper work a week ahead of schedule that included my CV, which is sometimes fun to see what I’ve done captured on a piece of paper.  I also bought a new outfit for a swing dancing weekend I’m going to this weekend.  I NEVER go shopping because I have body issues and hate to spend money.  I was proud of myself for having the motivation to find a new outfit because that means I was taking enough pride in myself to buy some new clothes.  Also, I gave one of the nurses an OMT treatment.  Believe it or not, with all my ranting, I was very insecure about my treatments, but now I’m feeling confident that I can make a change.  I might not completely cure someone.  I’m not Yoda, but I can help.  So, I was feeling pretty good.

Now, I feel sick and nauseated from this incessant guilt that plagues me.  I read my school’s electronic monthly newsletter this evening.  The student profiles are supposed to inspire us (I guess): the trials an tribulations of various students before coming to medical school, what brought them to UNECOM and what they’ve done while here.  There were also sections where my classmates described their rotations and provided tips for the second year students.  I thought they would be nice ways to hear about classmates I have not kept in touch.  However, I found myself feeling disgusted with myself: my horrible antagonistic attitude at times, my lack of discipline to study, my enjoyment of an easy surgery rotation.

I constantly feel like I do not live up to my full potential.  I wanted to give swing dance lessons to my classmates during our first 2 years, but I didn’t because this awful dread overcame me, “What if no one comes?  What if they make fun of me?  I’m so embarrassed I don’t have a boyfriend/husband to teach with me.  I should have competed before coming to medical school.  Then I’d be proud of myself.”  I SHOULD be proud of what I did with the UNH Swing Club.  It is still going strong and I helped it for 3-4 years, including putting on a spectacular dance that I used as my “proudest accomplishment” for an essay.

That is just an example of how I feel: I get an idea or a desire and may not follow through, letting myself down even if no one else knows or cares.  What an awful place to be.  I’m starting to settle into who I am and accepting my limitations.  Then again, Richard Bach said in Illusions, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough, their yours.”  Then why do I have so much FEAR and HATRED for myself??!!!  I think I just need some sleep, despite a cushy surgery rotation…

Input to our new Dean..

Lastly, I have to make a statement about Osteopathic incorporation into our curriculum. I’m a huge advocate of Osteopathy and was dismayed by the lack of integration during our courses. OPP covers the basics and I appreciated our lab time. UNECOM also provides 1hr of OPP for each system, which is much better than nothing. The one hr provides reminders about Osteopathic philosophy, but it is impossible to cover ALL the diseases of a system in one hour. Doctors are forced to resort to generalized philosophy, which is useful, but quick to lose a student’s attention after hearing it for 100th time.

90% of our time is devoted to learning about diseases as they are classified by the allopathic world. For diseases where the etiology is well-known, this is a fine approach. However, when a disease has an unknown etiology, all possibilities should be presented, including Osteopathic philosophy. Example: Asthma is “thought” to be caused by inflammation and spasm of the bronchioles. We “know” this because biopsy specimens show inflammatory cells and we provide antiinflammatory and bronchodilator medications that help with exacerbations. Why did NONE of the DO instructors discussing asthma ever mention the possibility that the patients could have somatic dysfunction of their upper ribs, thorax, OA? This is not a big leap of reasoning and any sensibly person who thinks to ask about the MSK system’s possible contribution to bronchospasm will see a possible connection and thus have another way to go about trying to help their patients via OA release to normalize the vagus, treating T1 and the ribs in general. I don’t think we should only treat all asthma exacerbations with OMT. I just think it is the responsibility of the school to encourage [require] all DOs who lecture to include Osteopathy in their lecture. Students of ALL Osteopathic medical schools deserve this type of instruction. Secondly, the disease index cites pathology and internal medicine sources for further reading. It should also cite Osteopathic resources, so students at least see there is Osteopathic literature regarding specific ailments and where it is if they have to desire to look it up.

Students tend to complain about schools not preparing them for the board exams, so the schools design their curriculum to prepare students for the boards. However, while board exams are a very real obstacle that we have to overcome, the slow deterioration of Osteopathy is rampant. If schools do not protect the teaching of Osteopathy by sprinkling it into the fabric of our curriculum in practical ways, it is going to continue to be lost and students who really want to learn Osteopathy are going to have to leave the country to get it.

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