Archive for May, 2008

Who’s the teacher?

Today there was a minimally inspirational OMT lecture on ENT (sinusitis, otitis media, allergic rhinitis). The material was so repetitive it was hypnotic. I became my exasperated, insubordinate self. I could have given the same damn lecture and workshop- myofascial release of the thoracic inlet, cervical soft tissue, OA release, condylar decompression, sinus effleurage, lymphatic pump (upper thoracic and diaphragm doming). The one technique I didn’t remember was massaging the jaw to help the eustachian tube to drain. What is wrong with telling a story about patients who found this helpful?? Isn’t that why you’re a DO? So you actually use these techniques on patients that need it, right? Why not share some patient stories!!!!! I have multiple theories why this is not the case:

1) The DO does not actually use these techniques and just had to give a lecture

2) He was not bright enough to include the stories

3) He thought the stories were not “scientific”

4) He thought WE might think the stories were not scientific

So far, 4 out of 4 of my classmates learn better when taught by “I had a patient who…” rather than “The scientific studies show…” Stories (aka anecdotal evidence) has its place in education.

Then this evening I went to a more informal discussion where we were read some of AT Still’s work for the purpose of discussing it. Of course, I was the only one who actually read it. The discussion took on numerous direction other than what I wanted, which were stories of using OMT to help patients. The group consisted of myself, 3 residents and one young attending DO, so the depth of experience was limited. It ended up being more of a venting session or talking about energy rather than anatomy and even about less AT Still. When the residents left I stayed and talked with the attending because I had a lot to say. Unfortunately, he did not have much to say that was helpful or enlightening. I thank him tremendously for having these discussions and giving me a little outlet and another opinion. Bless his heart.

For the last 2 years I have been thinking about OMT in the beginning vs. OMT today and no one has yet to give me an adequate answer regarding why the huge difference, why DOs are not “Meccas” for the sick like Kirksville was, why the prominent “ten fingered” DOs are more concerned about their subjective feelings rather than with the anatomy of the patient and why would these DOs send a patient to their PCP because of a suspected thyroid problem rather than treating the thyroid with OMT???? There’s a patient on the psych ward who has hyperthyroidism and I wish I was working with a competent DO who would treat him with OMT. I’ll be damned if I ever ask to treat a pysch patient with OMT in the hospital!! That would be so inappropriate, but I think about it…


It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…

Hey paintingcolorblind,
     Thanks for the feedback.  I have a need to reply.  I appreciate your
attempt to understand me, but I have a feeling you will never understand my
situation just like I will never understand the pain you suffer because of
your father's death.  I agree I have lots to be thankful for: no divorce, no
child payments or the pain of being away from a family.  My distress lies in
the realization that I will never have those things.  Yes, "never" is a little
extreme, but realistic.  I've even considered doing a residency at Dartmouth
to be around my sister when she has kids because I will never have any of my
own.  It is my own pathology- psychologically and socially.  I'm not made for
dating, let alone having a family and sometimes it just about kills me.  I'm
turning 30yo in 2 weeks, there are no prospects for dating and when I even get
a whiff of someone interested in dating me, I get nauseated and want to vomit.
 I am repulsed by the thought of dating and I hate myself for it.  I am not
normal.  And, (in case you're wondering) as far as my conscious memory goes I
was never abused other than being rejected by every boy I ever liked.  My
salvation lies with the thought that maybe I was made for a higher purpose, to
be a spiritual healer, and yet I have extreme doubts in that area of my life
as well.  

This is my struggle to find my purpose on Earth.  Lord knows I have a hard
time understanding this purpose and I wish more often than not that I wasn't
here.  Getting married and having children would probably not intrinsically
change me.  Still, I feel the clock ticking away.  When I was younger I always
thought I would find the right guy someday, but now I realize I'm the wrong
woman.  Guys have very little to do with my situation.  When I hear people say
they are living for their kids or their kids are the best thing they ever
made, I wonder why I'm living and how I could ever create something more
amazing than another human being.

That's about all I wanted to share.  Thanks for caring.


Mood disorders

I read the chapter in my psychiatry textbook about mood disorders and I swear I’m an experiential learner.  My mood has been up and especially down during the last couple of days.  I’m trying to write an essay about Osteopathic history and it is hard to reign myself in when I start going off on my rants.  Its good to have a guiding topic to focus on to keep me in line.

I think I strained the muscles around my hip during yoga a couple of weeks ago (so much for the peace of mind!) and I keep telling myself I have to sign myself up for a OMT session with one of the fabulous DOs at the clinic, but I so damn shy!!  Grrrr.  Then that brings up my shyness with patients and my anxiety about wanting to do OMT, but not trusting myself to be able to help.  Its ridiculous.  I go round and round until I get dizzy.  During the Tuesday when we have clinic I simply focus on landmarks, common diagnoses and “treat” with various modalities I’ve grown comfortable with, but I feel like I’m short-changing the patient.  I may be making a difference, but I’m not diagnosing the primary lesion/restriction, treat that and then move to the next.  I feel so inadequate.  It’s awful.  I’m such an advocate for Osteopathy but then I can’t even DO it!!  I’m a ridiculous oxymoron.  I know it just takes seeing lots of patients and I’ll get there eventually, but I wish I was there NOW!!

So impatient….and full of “buts”.  Oh lord.

I’m going  dancing all weekend!!!  🙂

Go Figure

I’m feeling better since my previous entry.  Funny thing is I got asked out today.  Of course, this trigger my intense fear of dating.  Not to mention he must be around 50 years old!  I didn’t see it coming.  We were chatting about dancing and he sounded interested in coming to Portland to swing dance.  He can’t come tomorrow, but then asked what I was doing on Saturday!  I flattered, and completely weirded out.  I wish he had just left it at going dancing the beginning of June.  I hang out with a lot of men when it comes to dancing, but to just go out on a date is positively out of the question with an older man who I hardly know (he works of the psych floor).  If I was about 20 years older, I might consider dating him because he seems to be a good, hard-working, patient guy.

Diagnosis (for me)- avoidant personality disorder with dating phobia!!


I had a great talk with a friend and classmate today.  I admire her so much.  She’s going to be an amazing family doctor who specializes in older populations and psychiatric patients.  She is enthusiastic about rotations with sound judgement.  She is open to Osteopathy, but is not as crazy as me.  And she’s getting married late this coming summer.  She was having some difficulty with her fiance due to his grown-up daughters having him wrapped around their little fingers.  I don’t envy her struggles with him.  What I envy is her excellent understanding of herself, an incredible work ethic and sense of what she needs and deserves for her hard work.  She even knows that at this point she doesn’t want children.

Earlier in the day I had lunch with 2 other classmates who are also engaged and talking about having their birthing plans already in mind.  Perhaps I am tired and PMSing, but I can’t stop crying.  I try to tell myself that I am never going to get married or have kids because that is how my life is working out.  There are plenty of people who have one or the other who are miserable, so why should I think I would be any happier in a relationship?  I try to tell myself I was meant to lead a spiritual life, to serve “God” and serve others.  I try to fill this empty void in my heart with meditation and connecting with a high power, but there is a part of me that HATES my friends who have children because I don’t have any and no prospects of my own.  My sister who is 6 years younger that me is getting married this fall and I tell her I want lots of nieces and nephews while I ache for my own.  I just don’t feel like a complete person by missing out on this amazing part of life.  At the same time, it makes me nauseous to think of OB…

It’s time for bed…

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?

Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

No, sir. It’s the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

We are all the Same

Did you know that intensive outpatient programs designed to help patients who have been admitted to the psychiatric ward of a hospital and subsequently released focus on BEING IN THE MOMENT, learning what each individual can do, accepting they can’t change other people, etc, etc???  It is all the same information people use to learn how to cope with life even if they don’t have a severe psychiatric illness.  Just another moment teaching me that we are all the same!

We really need this sort of training for everybody.  Instead of extra science classes, maybe we should have self-awareness classes in high schools.  This might not go over very well because their teenagers.  Maybe if we start in elementary school and continue throughout high school, then kids would have the coping skills to deal with peer pressure.   The key would be to have facilitators who are skilled at dealing with kids and psychological training.  Sigh.  Just another dream I have of making the world a better place…

Genetics vs. the Soul

I butted heads today with my psychiatry preceptor.  He believes that the future of medicine is “PharmacoGenomics” and I emphatically disagree.  I do agree that there are some interesting discoveries in the genetic world, but genes are not the end all be all in the disease process.  And then to but drugs and genes together is so repulsive that I feel nauseated.  It amazes me that there are people that believe you can control gene expression in humans.  Have you ever read some of the studies they’ve done on the genetic mice?  The mice have been so inbred and genetically manipulated to isolate a gene that they hardly resemble and living creature.  And then they want to transfer the information that get from these studies to humans?  No no.

I’ve started doing yoga on the screened in porch when I get home in the evening to take advantage of the beautiful weather.  My historical thinking is that yoga is good for stretching, but to get a full workout, I should go jogging.  Now I am wondering about the transformative properties of yoga.  The body awareness, physical exercise and meditation quality can lead to a tranquil state of mind.  With this mindset, one is less likely to over eat, have proper posture and feeling of general well-being, as opposed to overindulging after running 5 miles.  When my body wants to jog, I still will, but I’m not going to try to over do it.  I need to explore this yoga thing more…

Soul Masters

Western medicine could use a bit more soulful wisdom